#33

What a difference a day makes.

Last night when we spoke and you were so dispirited and unhappy, my heart went out to you. It's just so unfair that you can't be with a family, all warm and secure and content. You have done so well getting hours of 38 per week, combining your course and rent and not having your car, then to be let down by your friend leaving home to live with his girlfriend and by that junkie tart and her lowlife boyfriend coming to live and giving you grief. You want to be careful they don't plant drugs somewhere and blame you, they are so nasty. I wish you would come down here for a while to live and get a good footing first.

All credit goes to you for wanting to stick it out but you have plenty of years in front of you to be a boring adult, don't forget you are still a kid, and should be having a few lighthearted kid times without the responsibility of working full time and paying so much rent and stuff on a child's salary.

I thought I had almost convinced you to give it a go down here for a little while till you are a bit older, but it sounds like you have convinced yourself to stay a while.

Tonight when we spoke, you have done nothing to help yourself, you had the perfect opportunity to make your plight known to your boss as I asked you to, but to forget????? I am sure she might have known someone who wants a flatmate to share. It is hard for me not to stick my nose in after you have been so upset and give you some advice, well I give you the advice so you can decide to take it or not, but still if you are so unhappy then surely you could get yourself out of the mess and ask people for help.

I hope you remember to look at the noticeboard at the TAFE, maybe there will be a perfect opportunity for you. I guess getting around will be more difficult for you because your friend has gone so it might be hard to go see these places. On Monday I will make enquiries re getting your car repaired, I am not at all happy about you walking all those miles in the dark and I'm not happy about you riding your bike without a helmet or lamp either, you WILL be picked up and I do hope no-one runs into you.

I didn't sleep very well last night worrying, obviously you slept well, poor ole mum ay? And your retort to my comment about worrying was "don't worry about me, just pretend you don't have a son" pfffft to you too, your time will come sonny,,,

You make it hard for me to settle down and have a happy and stress free life, I thought it would be easier the older you get, but the opposite seems to happen, you were easy as a baby and child, I don't need the worry I can tell you, the internal dialogues are too upsetting and I need to get out and about to gain a better perspective. Wish I was born utterly selfish so instead of caring and heartache I could just say ... how sad, too bad and go off without pain, lol........

Yeah, sure.

I went to the RSL last night and won 1 meat tray, 1 vegetable tray and 1 fruit tray, I was delighted, although embarrassed because it was a lot for a person on their own and perhaps a family could have benefited, but they said no, take and keep them. So I had some chops and vegies for dinner tonight, they tasted all the sweeter, almost the same delight as if someone else had done the cooking. I might make a nice minestrone - hope it goes with my new food campaign - I haven't lost any weight yet even though I went for two long walks during the week, didn't go today because I need to go steady on the exercise and I may have overdone it yesterday, I know the dog was stuffed and I ended up dragging her along for half the walk, hehe.

Today was the first non-rainy day for a few days, I don't mind the rain but it was nice to see things dry out, like the front mat and the one at the back door, and not to have to dodge raindrops when filling the dog bowl. Tonight we have a fledgling moon and a beautiful starry night, bit chilly out there though - I do miss those balmy Queensland nights - I knew I would, but so much more is better down here.

Well, I hope your visit to your girlfriend was worth the 2 to 3 hour walk there and back, especially since you have to start work at 8.30am tomorrow, and I do hope you met the parents !!!!! We will see. Take care gorgeous boy.

Love from Mum

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