#79

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!

This has been festering inside me for 3 or 4 weeks now, I've been too ashamed to mention it but now I need to get it out.

I've had a relationship with the same bloke for two years now, he lives about 2 hours drive away. He is a strange one and seems not to have much of a life of his own, well say in comparison to mine. He is on disability support, I am on Austudy which basically means he 'gets' approximately $150 to $200 more than I do per week, I live on $230 pw which most weeks I can live on except for large bills like car maintenance etc.

Anyway .... recently I errrr celebrated a milestone birthday 60 years old and what did he give me!!!! A card. He came to stay as my BD is 3 days before Christmas and when he arrived I was waiting for an invite to lunch or maybe dinner, a present even, but nothing, nada, until I finally said we should go for a drive which we did - in my car of course, my petrol, my money. He didn't even turn up last year as he had a work function to go to the next day and needless to say no present then or a card either.

I feel really sick about this, as I said it's been festering inside. One moment I simply don't want to have enything to do with him, I'm soooo disappointed and used. We NEVER go anywhere unless I pay because he always says he has no money, he is an alcoholic and drinks every afternoon almost so that's where the money goes. Apart from this he is a decent bloke in his weird and occasionally stupid way.

But this has dealt an irretriveable blow.

know what people will say and it is easier to see in print lol. He has no conception of how to behave in a relationship, all I can say is that his previous two wives must have been utterly selfish and uncaring, never sharing birthday presents, Christmas or dinners so he has no idea. I thought of educating him into my ways which are just normal ones but I really could not be bothered. 

If we are not together then I have nowhere to stay if I choose to continue my studies this year as I cannot afford to travel up and back a trip of 350k each day petrolwise and especially healthwiseas I get much too tired and in the winter it is dark and icy. Maybe I should just use him lol the way he has been using me, I don't know.

This is why I made my new year's resolution to be high maintenance and hard to get on with, maybe it's the only way - develop a thick skin.

I haven't seen him for 3 weeks now, I told him not to come down for new years as I was too pissed off and I didn't want to see him lol. So I spent new years on my own.

The good parts of him are that he is the most genuine bloke I have ever met and he is honest. But now all the bad things are way too many and I said to my friends he is more a burden to carry.

I thought I had better finish otherwise I would have written a book!

Of course it was his payday on Thursday which is why he has been drinking non stop, I could go on and on about this but I would bore you all silly, I do feel disloyal speaking of him like this, I usually keep things private but this has done me good to get it out of my system.

Some things that a friend said .....

Any man that spends all his money on booze and makes the female pay isn't worth worrying about Jenne..

To me even though you liked having a man around...I think you should ask yourself..are you a rescuer?

Wasting good time and energy on someone that doesn't really want it...

well speaking as a man (whose fell off the booze wagon as often as I get on it)

DUMP him

a relationship is suposed to bring happiness not grief

There's not a lot i can say that the others haven't already but i know

exactly how you feel Jenne, it's easy for us to say, walk away, but it's

not easy for you to do that, been there, done that, never doing it again.

Good luck because the next few months are going to be a testing time

for you and i know from our past pm's that this isn't something that you've

taken lightly.

Thinking of you

And I have and such a load off my shoulders !!!!