#14

Today is the last day of February and this is only the second entry I have made for the month.

Today is a week since poor Sammi died, it's been a long week. Last Wednesday I was in floods of tears, I felt so sad and found it very difficult to believe that he was gone. The worst moment was when I saw Em sniffing his body, it looked like a small brown bundle and my heart immediately fell to the ground, I thought OH NO and walked across the road hoping I was wrong. Even though he hadn't come home that last night I had no thought he might be dead, I was thinking along the lines that he was lost and was waiting for a call in evening silence or that maybe he had popped into someone's car and been taken for a ride. So it hit hard that he was gone. The cats have been ok, strangely enough it was little Tink who missed him the most, he definitely was her shadow. It took her four or five days to get back to normal behaviour.

I thought of some more Sammi things, the way he put his ears back and ran away when he was being naughty and knew someone was after him, the way he used to run inside calling for help when the birds were after him (when he was little), the arms around my neck, the slobby gooey face when he wanted cuddles, the chewing of nice soft fabrics, his suckie when he was a baby, stumping, slapping Misty around and howling, falling down for a pat, dribbling, OWWWWWWWWWW, sitting on top of Tillie because he wanted her warm space, it just goes on and on, he was truly unique and never to be forgotten.

Miss ya mate!

Yeah I was a bit cross with you when talking the next day and you coolly stated that you were over him already, you need to be careful that people don't take what you say the wrong way, like I did, it did sound like you hadn't cared about him at all but I suppose it was a defence mechanism to take away the hurt. Then I got your $314 phone bill the same day on top of that silly news about buying a $300 Commodore without starting it, taking it for a drive or anything.

I can understand your need for a commodore, for having a car while fixing up your suzie but it is cockeyed logic at best - you would need to spend a lot of money to get it going, registered, insured and a new battery too, let alone spend the money for a new engine for suzie and let's face it, however many hours you work you won't be earning that much to do all that, you need to live and have fun as well.

Sorry you were miserable when I rang you earlier, it's no fun with a new head cold and everything seems to be getting you down. It's hard on your own isn't it, no-one cares as much as mum. So Kat is getting heavy with wanting to come up there, well I do hope you remember to cover your backside - keep on telling her that you won't help her, that her parents will not like it and that she should wait for a while. Don't forget you can always come and visit.

I'm working tomorrow, firstly as a wombat driver then my first time at Fox and hounds, Jennita will be teaching me so I will be gone from 10am till 10pm, then Friday I'm working 4pm till 10pm too. I would rather be at home. I haven't had all that much time for playing on the computer, even though I was moping around last week in mourning for baby sam.

Take care,

love from mum XXXXX