It’s Monday 10th July and this is the day I was to leave on my trip up north but that’s been put off until Wednesday because Tumbleweed needed two new left hand side rear tyres.
So packing up tomorrow although I need to go to Cobram PO tomorrow too or maybe I can put that off till Wednesday to save fuel.
What I really wanted to say today is how sad I’m feeling about Gil. I really did think he would get in touch today after sadday even if he hasn’t been in the app since Thursday. I’ve been ok but it really hit me hard today.. I don’t know if he is ok, never coming back, hurt, ill, but I’m trying to keep my faith that he’s not wanting to talk to me until he can find friends who will give him a loan. I’m hoping it’s just he’s not feeling good for putting so much pressure on me the past month and that when he does he will come back to me, I really hope that’s all it is and that he is ok. I’m putting all my trust and belief that this is all it is.
I can’t believe how sad I’m feeling, it’s like my heart really has cracked in half and literally painful in my chest.. I’m not crying but my eyes are leaking and always damp.
At the same time I am getting excited about my trip and that red sand and endless blue skies, so much better than this external grey stuff and cold I wish Gil was coming too ❤️
The photos above are when Stefan washed the bus over the weekend of all the road grime, particularly the thermoshield on the roof where moss was growing in the holes and also the window frames I’m going to keep maintaining that except for the roof
This is what I’ve written in Chat today
I was so much counting on hearing from you today darling after sadday. I thought you might have missed me as much as I am missing you.
But nothing 😭. You’re not even coming in to read.
All I can do is hope that you are well and that nothing bad has happened, I have no way of knowing 😢
I am in desperate lonely tears, where are you? I thought you loved me but no one who cares would leave their darling without a word, wondering, worried, crying, with a big crack in their heart. Would they?
💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
I’m hoping you will come back to me one day darling.
In the meantime I won’t come here often any more, it just hurts so badly, you have my email.
But I love you forever. I’m holding your hands tightly and I won’t let you go until you tell me to.
💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
An unexpected development tonight Gilbert messaged me asking for help and why hadn’t I let him know my own developments I don’t think he reads my messages In any case I replied but he hasn’t come back to me I can’t help if he won’t talk to me yet I seem to be getting the blame for all this lack of money
He’s not in a good way but it’s good that he’s alive
He said - I miss you desperately honey and I’m a lot of pains from not hearing anything from you about the situation on ground it feels as if I am alone in this world now and forever it really hurts honey
Ten minutes later
I am desperately in need of your love right now
What about me? This is wrong and he hasn’t come back to me again there’s nothing I can do until he comes and stays and talks
🙁
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